I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
