I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
