Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
