I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
