Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
