I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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