how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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