my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Randomize
