No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
