I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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