You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
