Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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