I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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