we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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