This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Im part way to drunk.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
