I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
