Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
