If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
