Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
