Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
