Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My bed smells like the plague
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
