I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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