i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
