you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
