so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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