OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
