My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
