nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
