Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
