we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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