my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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