Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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