butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Someone shit on the floor
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
