Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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