We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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