if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
