It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
