So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
