Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
