He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
