I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
