OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
