I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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