his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
