We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
