you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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