It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
