We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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