i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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