it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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