I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
