can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
