just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He passed out mid-signature
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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