Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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