he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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