I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
