Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
