just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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