Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
