I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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