11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
