New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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