is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
