Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
