Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Randomize
