i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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