I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
