He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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