if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
