i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
